Reality

   These last few weeks before school is starting back have FLOWN by! We have had the best summer ever! Or at least, the best one in a very long time. Hopefully my kids would agree :) But who knows! Some days, they seem to be enjoying every minute & other days, they can't stand the sight of us or each other! Yesterday started out that way. Bryan was extra grouchy, the kids were bickering ALL morning long, Roman was trying to be the parent instead of telling me what was going on, Paisley was being a terror and Katie was just caught in the crossfire. Bryan left to go work on his bow & I was a little relieved. Even though I had missed him soooo much the week before, his days off just weren't as pleasant as I had hoped. Stress, doubts, fear, anger...all that ugly stuff has been trying to creep back in. I got mad at the kids. I yelled at them. Very loudly. I'm pretty sure I even swore at them. Actually, I know I swore at them. Shame on me for that, but that's the reality of the situation and the reality of our lives. I do that sometimes. Not nearly as much as I used to, but it slips out sometimes and I am so not proud of it. But thankfully, God gives me grace that I absolutely do NOT deserve & I get chance after chance after chance to do it all over again. I heard someone say once to put orange cones all around them because they were a work in progress. Amen to that!! We all need to be reminded that we're a work in progress and so is everyone else we come in contact with every day. Including my beautiful children!! I'm FAR from perfect. Why on earth do I try to get perfection out of them?? After my outburst, I put all the kids to work helping out with housework. When they were forced to all work together, their attitudes changed, significantly! I looked up some verses on anger and found James 1:19-20. It says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." WOW. That put me in MY place! Don't get me wrong, I still managed to screw up yesterday, but those orange cones all around me keep me reminded that I need to offer grace as much as I need to receive it.   
   By the end of the day, things were MUCH better around the Clower house. I put the kids to work. CHORES!! Ugh! I hate them, and the kids hate them, but guess what? They were all more than happy to do it with a happy heart & no more fighting because they didn't want mom to yell at them again! Lol!! And even with the rough start, our day ended with our hilarious kids making us laugh, even this morning as I drove Bryan to work at 5:00! We had some late company and the kids were occupied. With Katie's new power wheelchair, she keeps herself very busy and it's AWESOME!! She is so much more independent, even in the short period of time she's had it. The walls are not doing so great, but to me, it's a small price to pay. We have to remind her to watch what she's doing sometimes, but there's nothing like her and her cousin racing outside, or her following dad across the rocks to go get his arrows, or her being able to come in & out of her room to play without my help. Or even just being able to have me say, "Katie, come here." And she CAN! Her occupational therapy sessions now consist of her practicing dressing herself. She can already take her shirt on & off, with minimal help! I know that to some, this seems so small, but for us, it's HUGE! Anything and everything that she does independently is a huge celebration for all of us. Anyway, last night at like 10:30, I was putting the kids to bed. Actually, I put the kids to bed and was laying in bed with Bryan talking as we were getting ready to drift off to sleep. Roman got out of the shower and his light turned off in his room. About 30 seconds went by & Roman screamed, "HOLY COW!!!" I yelled, "What?!" as I was jumping out of bed to see. He said, "Paisley was out of bed." I went in to see what happened and Paisley was just standing in the hallway. I got on to her for being out of bed because she knows better and Bryan got up and was standing behind me. Roman told him, "It was like every scary movie I've ever seen." We burst into laughter and poor Paisley was confused as to why she was getting in trouble one second and mom was crying with laughter the next! What a night!! We were still laughing about it this morning and I'm laughing, thinking about it as I'm typing!
   My point is that our reality is different than what many others see. We have our issues, we have our ups & downs and we are FAR from perfect. We have had an AMAZING summer, even though we haven't really gone anywhere. Even though we've been broke a good portion of it. Even though bad things have happened and continue to happen. Even though we are a bunch of imperfect people thrown together to form a family, that family is coming out on top, stronger than ever before. We've had adventures. We've seen God work wonderful things out of some of our situations. We've bonded in a stronger way than before as we've brought Paisley into the equation. The kids are connected more than they were 2 month ago, Bryan & I are connected more than we were 2 months ago & God is the center of our lives. Even though I make mistakes, big mistakes, I allow myself to receive God's grace & forgiveness. I was keeping myself from doing that before & that was causing me to not be fully committed to our wonderful God! But now, everything is so different and there is hope in what I thought was hopeless situations. I love my life!! I love the people in my life and I feel like a kid on Christmas with what new things are coming my way. I have an excitement in me that I can't even explain, and even though some people or situations may bring me down, it doesn't keep me down! Hoping everyone reading this has a wonderful day & I am off to shop for school clothes. This should make for another day of crazy adventure with my kids :)