Thankful

   Well, we are back to civilization, back to work, back to school & back to "normal" after 11 days in the mountains camping! As much as I love being outdoors and away from internet & cell phone service, I'm reminded of why, when I was little and this was my parents vacation, I used to spend half of it in town with my grandma. I don't like being dirty, I don't like doing all of the same stuff I do at home in a smaller space for so long & I don't like mosquitos and meat bees! And I dislike all of these things even more with 3 kids, two who are small girls that require most of my attention. However, I am still so very thankful for the time away & the quality time with family & friends who were able to be there too.
   I'm thankful that Katie got her power chair before we left and she was able to zip around ALL OVER the mountain, from campsite to campsite, go on "walks" throughout the campground and even one nature walk that nearly gave me a heart attack! (Her power chair is VERY heavy & she almost tipped it by not paying attention to the trail and veering off the side of the mountain.) I'm thankful that she has been MUCH more careful since we've been home. My hallway isn't taking near the beating it was before we left. I'm also thankful that Paisley got to spend time getting to know her family so much better, since she's the newest member and all :) Her and little Maverick are the absolute FUNNIEST kids ever, and since they're only about 3-months apart in age, their personalities mesh very well! I'm thankful that Roman was able to experience shooting his very first deer on his very first hunting trip ever. (He told me that I have to share his story on my blog, so that will follow shortly!) I'm also thankful that Bryan was able to experience his only son killing his first deer. I know that many of you aren't hunters, but it runs deep in both of our families and his first deer is a huge thing for us! AND topped only by the fact that he killed it with a bow :) And the fact that he did it, completely on his own.
   He went out walking and told us where he would be, because I require that just in case something happens. He had been gone for a couple of hours and I had been thinking, if Roman's not back soon, we're going to have to go find him. About that time, a shirtless kid in camouflage pants and a shirt tied around his head came RUNNING into camp saying, "I killed a buck! I killed a buck!" We're like, What?!?! He said it again and we asked if he killed one or just stuck one, since MOST people will stick a deer and come get everyone's help to track it. He said NO! "I killed it!" We asked, "Are you sure it's dead?" He said, "YES! I'm sure! I was dragging it" Me, being overly cautious of practical jokes, asked him if he was joking. I got the really, mom?! From Bryan & Dustin too. They were like, "He's NOT joking!" His excitement was evident and very contagious. We asked where the deer was and he said, "Right up the road, out of camp. I marked the trail with an arrow so I would know where to go." So we start loading up into the Jeep and Katie insisted on going with us, and since we thought it was "right up the road", we figured it would be ok. So Tyler & Maverick, Katie, Roman & I jumped in the Jeep and Bryan, Dustin, Robin & Susie jumped in the other jeep. Paisley stayed back & kept Kym company and off we went. We got up the road, Roman told me where to stop, the rest of the gang came back and Bryan said he would carry Katie because we had left her wheelchairs at camp and we still thought it was only a little ways up the trail. Katie was soooo excited!! She kept saying, "Yay Bubba!" It was super cute! Roman had marked the trail with orange flagging tape and on the way back down, Katie pulled it all off & she had to wear some on her hair as "Rambo Junior".So once we get on the trail and we're walking, and walking, and walking, and walking, we ask Roman how much farther it is. THEN he decided to tell us it was "Quite a ways further." UP the side of a mountain, by the way! Susie stopped part way up and decided to wait, the rest of us kept going. Finally, Katie & I decided to hang back and we sent Bryan to catch up to Dustin, Robin, Maverick & Tyler. I carried Katie a little further and we decided to wait by a rock, in the shade. She's over 40 pounds and I am NOT in the best shape of my life! LOL! Anyway, we're waiting and listening and can here the rest of them up ahead and out walks a pretty little doe to stand and stare at us. Then I see the rest of the crew rounding their way back down to us with Roman's deer in tow. They made it to where we were, tied up a harness and Dustin drug it back down the trail. We got almost to the road and they stopped to field dress it. When we got back to camp, everyone else was there and the celebrating began! Uncle Doah showed up and taught Roman how to skin it and we brought the deer down and put it in the locker the next morning. Roman just hung out and enjoyed every last bit of vacation after that. It was a pretty awesome experience and we were thrilled that he had paid enough attention to mark the trail & find his way back to camp. He was actually lost and didn't know where he was, but found the road and figured it out, thank God!
   Now that we're back to our "normal", we've made the decision to homeschool Roman, so we're waiting for a call back from the new program that he'll be joining. Katie has a new homeschool liaison and so her program is completely different than it was before. It's a good change, but it's going to take some getting used to. I'm feeling significantly overwhelmed with trying to recover from camping, getting laundry done, getting the housework done, the trailer unloaded & cleaned, figuring out our new routines, receiving even more new equipment for Katie & trying to keep my marriage in tact as we struggle with some issues that keep coming up. Proverbs 17:14 says, "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the quarrel before a dispute breaks out." I'm not very good at this! And I'm failing miserably at keeping my cool and keeping it all together, but I know I can do it. Not alone, but I can do it with God's help. Psalm 55:22 says, "Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." Boy oh boy!! I am stressed to the max with all that is happening, but I MUST cast my cares upon the Lord! Because even though I am struggling with the trials I'm facing, I can do it all with God's help. And not only do it, but do it well. And even though our mountain vacation isn't my idea of a vacation, I'm still thankful for the time away, for my family, for the talk with my mom yesterday where she reminded me to just breathe & for the growth that was much needed on this trip. I'm also thankful that the kids had an amazing time and that Bryan had a great time too. And even in all of my complaining, I had a great time as well, I'm just having a hard time getting back to normal at home and it took me about half of the vacation before I felt like I was able to relax. But I'm very ready for a beach trip, and hopefully that will be my much needed vacation form vacation. Even if for only a day. ;)

Reality

   These last few weeks before school is starting back have FLOWN by! We have had the best summer ever! Or at least, the best one in a very long time. Hopefully my kids would agree :) But who knows! Some days, they seem to be enjoying every minute & other days, they can't stand the sight of us or each other! Yesterday started out that way. Bryan was extra grouchy, the kids were bickering ALL morning long, Roman was trying to be the parent instead of telling me what was going on, Paisley was being a terror and Katie was just caught in the crossfire. Bryan left to go work on his bow & I was a little relieved. Even though I had missed him soooo much the week before, his days off just weren't as pleasant as I had hoped. Stress, doubts, fear, anger...all that ugly stuff has been trying to creep back in. I got mad at the kids. I yelled at them. Very loudly. I'm pretty sure I even swore at them. Actually, I know I swore at them. Shame on me for that, but that's the reality of the situation and the reality of our lives. I do that sometimes. Not nearly as much as I used to, but it slips out sometimes and I am so not proud of it. But thankfully, God gives me grace that I absolutely do NOT deserve & I get chance after chance after chance to do it all over again. I heard someone say once to put orange cones all around them because they were a work in progress. Amen to that!! We all need to be reminded that we're a work in progress and so is everyone else we come in contact with every day. Including my beautiful children!! I'm FAR from perfect. Why on earth do I try to get perfection out of them?? After my outburst, I put all the kids to work helping out with housework. When they were forced to all work together, their attitudes changed, significantly! I looked up some verses on anger and found James 1:19-20. It says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." WOW. That put me in MY place! Don't get me wrong, I still managed to screw up yesterday, but those orange cones all around me keep me reminded that I need to offer grace as much as I need to receive it.   
   By the end of the day, things were MUCH better around the Clower house. I put the kids to work. CHORES!! Ugh! I hate them, and the kids hate them, but guess what? They were all more than happy to do it with a happy heart & no more fighting because they didn't want mom to yell at them again! Lol!! And even with the rough start, our day ended with our hilarious kids making us laugh, even this morning as I drove Bryan to work at 5:00! We had some late company and the kids were occupied. With Katie's new power wheelchair, she keeps herself very busy and it's AWESOME!! She is so much more independent, even in the short period of time she's had it. The walls are not doing so great, but to me, it's a small price to pay. We have to remind her to watch what she's doing sometimes, but there's nothing like her and her cousin racing outside, or her following dad across the rocks to go get his arrows, or her being able to come in & out of her room to play without my help. Or even just being able to have me say, "Katie, come here." And she CAN! Her occupational therapy sessions now consist of her practicing dressing herself. She can already take her shirt on & off, with minimal help! I know that to some, this seems so small, but for us, it's HUGE! Anything and everything that she does independently is a huge celebration for all of us. Anyway, last night at like 10:30, I was putting the kids to bed. Actually, I put the kids to bed and was laying in bed with Bryan talking as we were getting ready to drift off to sleep. Roman got out of the shower and his light turned off in his room. About 30 seconds went by & Roman screamed, "HOLY COW!!!" I yelled, "What?!" as I was jumping out of bed to see. He said, "Paisley was out of bed." I went in to see what happened and Paisley was just standing in the hallway. I got on to her for being out of bed because she knows better and Bryan got up and was standing behind me. Roman told him, "It was like every scary movie I've ever seen." We burst into laughter and poor Paisley was confused as to why she was getting in trouble one second and mom was crying with laughter the next! What a night!! We were still laughing about it this morning and I'm laughing, thinking about it as I'm typing!
   My point is that our reality is different than what many others see. We have our issues, we have our ups & downs and we are FAR from perfect. We have had an AMAZING summer, even though we haven't really gone anywhere. Even though we've been broke a good portion of it. Even though bad things have happened and continue to happen. Even though we are a bunch of imperfect people thrown together to form a family, that family is coming out on top, stronger than ever before. We've had adventures. We've seen God work wonderful things out of some of our situations. We've bonded in a stronger way than before as we've brought Paisley into the equation. The kids are connected more than they were 2 month ago, Bryan & I are connected more than we were 2 months ago & God is the center of our lives. Even though I make mistakes, big mistakes, I allow myself to receive God's grace & forgiveness. I was keeping myself from doing that before & that was causing me to not be fully committed to our wonderful God! But now, everything is so different and there is hope in what I thought was hopeless situations. I love my life!! I love the people in my life and I feel like a kid on Christmas with what new things are coming my way. I have an excitement in me that I can't even explain, and even though some people or situations may bring me down, it doesn't keep me down! Hoping everyone reading this has a wonderful day & I am off to shop for school clothes. This should make for another day of crazy adventure with my kids :)