2016

Hi there!! It has been a while & I have been a little out of touch. Someone asked me the other day if I still blog & when I thought about it, I realized it had been close to 2 years since I had written, so here I am. What is one word to describe what I've been up to the last year & a half-2 years? Chaos. Life has been sooo crazy & I have been trying so hard to keep up. As I was driving Paisley to dance today, I was doubting myself (as usual) & thinking that I am just so tired (you know! Pretty much every moms complaint, if they're being honest ;)). I pretty much feel exhausted ALL the time (dance classes 3 nights a week, 4-H once a month & a full time college student will do it to you!) & I was feeling sorry for myself, when a little voice came into my head and reminded me what life was like before I had children & how badly I wanted these guys. I was humbled by that little voice & reminded to appreciate my time with my kids. It seems like so long ago at times, but other times it seems like just yesterday. That battle with infertility was a rough one, but look at us now! Four incredible kids that I couldn't imagine our life without! It's amazing to me that we will be celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary in 7 months!

As crazy as life has been, all I've been doing lately is raising kids. That's it. Nothing special, nothing fancy, rarely getting out of the house anymore for fun & just up to my elbows in child rearing. Bryan often works long hours & that leaves me to do pretty much everything else. When he's home, he doesn't move too far from the couch & he goes to bed super early, sometimes before the kids, because of his early mornings. As tired as I feel most of the time, I can relate, but since my only quiet time is after the kids go to bed, I stay up late to enjoy my own tv shows & not listen to the kids for a little while ;) I'm not going to lie though...I often resent him for it. When we argue over his lack of motivation, he's really good at spinning it around to make me the bad guy. I'm a nag, I complain all the time, I'm this, I'm that...it's really too exhausting to list it all. It resulted in me seeing a counselor last year at this time to try to figure out how to manage life. It was super helpful to have someone to talk to, but when it came time for the both of us to see her, my husband refused. Which resulted in more fights. When he finally agreed, I was ecstatic & looking forward to the help it would bring to our relationship. But after several failed attempts & a mountain of excuses as to why he couldn't go, the idea of marriage counseling (to his satisfaction) was scrapped & I haven't been back, either. Maybe someday we'll head down that road again, but it's on hold for now. We do attempt date nights every so often though...not as often as I would like, but as often as our schedules allow. Please keep us in your prayers in this area of life.

Back to the kids!  As Roman has gotten older, I enjoy the new things he's doing in life & I appreciate his sense of responsibility, his enthusiasm for life & his motivation to do well. He graduated in May, he's attending college, working at the college & just got his license last week. It's such an exciting time for him & it's exciting to be his mamma as he navigates more adult responsibilities. 

Katie had ANOTHER surgery the end of August and has been doing amazing since then. No more pain in those hips & she's finally getting back to her old self. It's going to take some time since she kind of had 3 years off, but she's working on some things that are exciting to her & I. She asked me not to share until she gets really good at it, so I will respect that & will be sharing more on that very soon, I promise :) 

Paisley is thriving in kindergarten. She's growing up, physically & mentally. She still cracks me up on a daily basis, with her most recent being yesterday. Her leg was sore for some reason, probably growing pains, but she told me she thought she had a rib broken in her leg 😂😂 I told her that if that were true, the broken rib is probably the least of our worries. She never fails to entertain, that's for sure!

Levi is growing, growing, growing! His birthday is Friday and he'll be FOUR years old! I can't believe it's been that long! The last 2 years with him have flown by. He talks ALL the time, he's a wild & crazy boy who will find a dirt pile anywhere he goes & no matter what he's wearing. He is learning his ABC's, he knows how to write his name & he can count to 10. He loves to cuddle with mommy still and occasionally asks if I will rock him to sleep. He still takes pride in being mommys baby boy & I love every single second of him telling me that I'm his favorite. His most recent funny is when he gets in trouble, he bats his eyelashes at me and says, "but I'm so cute" Little stinker! 

Overall, life has been good. Scary at times, but good. The war on law enforcement in this country has gotten way out of hand & causes me to worry, but I'm praying that begins to slow down. It is a scary world to send my man into every day. 

As always, God has blessed us more than we deserve & he continues to do so every day. I'm thankful for his mercy & grace, because I sure don't deserve it! Be blessed you all & remember that no matter what, God is in control! ❤️❤️❤️

Our crazy life

I managed to cook dinner Monday night for the first time in what has felt like months!! Things in the Clower house have been on an entirely different level of hectic, stressful, busy, chaotic...whatever you want to call it. I feel like my head has been spinning & sometimes, when I look at my calendar, I wonder where I'm going to get the energy to keep up with it 😳 I'm blessed to have a hard working husband & a house full of active, healthy, busy kiddos. I'm exhausted, but I remember a time that I yearned for this life & it was out of reach. Nine years ago, the Raya family headed to Ukraine to bring our boys home for good & our lives changed forever! A few days after they left, we got a phone call about a sweet little girl for us to meet to see if she was a fit for our family. I held my precious Katie in my arms for the first time & fell head over heels in love with that chubby faced, perfectly sweet, smiley little girl! Five weeks later, the Raya's came home & we picked Roman up at the airport in LA & we became a family of four, what seemed like overnight. It was pretty amazing!! Now, we're a family of 6, the kids are growing like crazy & keeping us so busy with their various activities. And by us, I mean me, usually ;) Bryan worked all of last week until super late every day because he was working a case, Levi ran a fever off & on all week, the other kids had various appointments & activities. The one day Bryan made it home on time, we were each going in different directions & didn't see each other anyway. Monday night he was home by 6:30 & of course, I had to take the kids to a 4-H meeting. I was running late because when I went in for a smooch goodbye, I couldn't bring myself to leave his embrace. I miss him so much when he works so much! I'm hoping to get in a much needed vacation once fair & dance recitals are over & before Katie has her next surgery. Oh, did I forget to mention that? Amid the chaos, Katie had an ortho appointment & she has to have the tendon in her right leg released again, in hopes of legthening it & straightening her out. Along with that, the dr is going to take the hardware out of both of her hips. It sounds like a lot, but it's not a major surgery. No strenuous activity for 6 weeks because the bone has to heal after having the plate & screws taken out, but other than that, she should be good to go. It's nerve wracking, of course & I don't have all the details, all I know is that I didn't want to do it right now when we have so much going on, when SHE has so much going on. She's a busy girl these days & she loves every minute of it!! Roman has been staying super busy, too. 4-H has been great for him! He loves shooting sports & archery & he has a few competitions coming up this month that he's super excited about. He failed his eye exam at DMV last week, so that's how I discovered that he's near sighted & needs glasses. He'll be going in a couple of weeks to take his written test & his paperwork from the eye dr & if he passes, he'll get his permit! He's so excited to start driving & I'm looking forward to having a "chauffeur" for 6 months ;) Paisley talks about starting kindergarten ALL the time & she loves to sing. She's looking forward to their next dance recital, since the stage calls her name ;) Levi is mammas sweet little prince & as happy & active as every other 3 year old. Our lives are still in quite the "adjustment" period since finalizing everyone's adoptions. We received the boys' social security cards the other day, so our whole family is Clower on every legal document there is!! They were already official, but now they're official on EVERYTHING! That's a good feeling, especially after all the trouble with immigration paperwork! :) Bryan is loving his position as a Violent Crimes Detective and it's wonderful having him home in the evenings and on weekends (some of the time, anyway). Except when he calls me as he's leaving work everyday & asks what's for dinner because he's starving. He's spoiled & wants dinner as soon as he gets home, but when he's on call or working a case, I never know WHEN he's going to get home. So that creates a little frustration, plus I'm busy with the kids, myself, yet he wants dinner NOW. Men!! ;) lol!! My ThirtyOne business is booming. I'm very close to promoting to director & I was hoping it would happen this month, but as busy as I've been with family obligations, I'm just not sure it will. But that's ok! It'll happen when the time is right & that makes me pretty excited :) I love the company, I love the sisterhood that is known as the pink bubble, I love getting to spend time with other women & making new friends, and I love celebrating & encouraging other women! Plus, the bags are beautiful, useful & a great quality ;) I could not have chosen a better direct sales company to be a part of.
We've hit quite a few rough patches over the last few months, but we're making it through. It has been pure survival mode lately, but such is life! It's a beautiful mess :) As usual, we find help in Gods word when dealing with any situation. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" I am far from a "perfect" Christian, I make mistakes every single day, but I would NOT be able to get by without God by my side. As these days have been so busy & we've dealt with so much sadness, loss, & grief, it's a good reminder to not worry about tomorrow. I will continue to seek Gods kingdom above all else & let tomorrow worry about itself. Have a great day :)