It has certainly been a crazy couple of months and a long while since I've blogged. So I'm going to catch everyone up on our happenings :) My last post was dedicated to my beautiful grandma who is now in heaven and I'm still having a difficult time dealing with her loss. Sometimes, I feel like I'm so strong & can handle all of this, but then I get knocked back down. Since my grandma's death, a close friend lost her grandmother, a local law enforcement officer was murdered by his ex-wife, the girls' dance teacher lost her 11-year old son to a tragic motorcycle accident & another very close friend lost her mother. That's not even mentioning the close friends and family members who have been battling sickness or loss that is just too many to mention. I had a rough month or so after grandma passed and then I was doing much better and then my friends moms funeral was last week. They played Elvis Presley's version of Amazing Grace and that just so happened to have been played at grandmas funeral and I just lost it. I'm so thankful for such a strong, loving, loyal, faithful husband who just doesn't even question it and just wraps me in his arms & lets me have my meltdown. He's had to do that A LOT lately, which feels like it's so unlike me! And then my goofy kids say or do something crazy and it just makes my world a better place. Ok, ok! Enough of the mushy stuff! The truth is, my kids have been driving me CRAZY the last couple of days and sometimes, I just want to strangle them!! They have been loud, obnoxious little boogers who scream, yell, fight & pretty much completely ignore anything and everything I say. I hope it's just a phase, but I don't think so. I think it's just a phase called parenthood! LOL!!
Now part of the reason I've been having such a hard time this past week is because I am having surgery tomorrow. I am having a hysterectomy, spending time in the hospital and dealing with a long recovery. It kind of sucks! When the decision was made, I was ok with it because I am going to be relieved of issues I've been having since I was 15 years old, but there was this other part that took over. I have been so emotional over this that it's ridiculous! There was a teeny, tiny, very small part of me that has held out hope for all of these years that I would find myself pregnant and get to live out the miracle of child birth. But in reality, I don't want that at all! Not at 37 years old. I wanted it badly for many years, but I am very content with my life, even if it sounds like I'm on a bit of a pity party at the moment. I'm just going to walk you through all of these crazy emotions I've had, just in the last week. I didn't want to tell everyone and make a big deal out of it, but it turns out, it's kind of a big deal and I appreciate the love & support. So once I moved passed the loss of fertility, for good, I moved onto just being scared. I've always been a pretty tough cookie, but I really don't want to be in pain! I'm finding that now that I'm older, I just don't want to do it!! I discovered that I'm just a big baby! But I'm going to do it and it'll be done & over with before I know it. Next up is the hospital itself. I was almost in tears driving there today because it's the first time I've been there since my grandma passed away. And to top it off, I will most likely be on the third floor for my stay. I couldn't even remember the room number, but I just knew I didn't want to wake up in there. So I asked my mom & then I requested that I not be put in the room that holds so many precious memories for me. So the bottom line is that this entire journey has my emotions on such a roller coaster ride! So now I'm just ready to get in, get out & begin my recovery so I can go back to a normal & happier, healthier life.
In the midst of all this, we did find some time to take a little mini vacation & that was awesome. We were going to hold off, but figured we better go now in case it's a while before I can handle a long car ride. We spent 4 days camping at a gun range. The kids got to learn some gun safety & become a little more comfortable around guns. They played all during their days, to the point of actually begging me to send them to bed! I love when they're so worn out that they beg to go to sleep! Lol! After we came home from camping, we left the next day & headed to the beach for a couple of days. It was glorious! We only spent one night there, so I would really love to plan to go back soon. Two days just isn't enough. I was reminded of how much I LOVE the beach. Just about any beach, anywhere! Sand under my feet, the cold salt air, the sunshine, the laid back feeling of beach living...I just love it! I really needed the trip, more than I realized and I felt so rejuvenated after coming home. It was such a blessing. I wish I could just go spend all of my recovery on a beach somewhere! THAT would make me happy :)
To add a little more chaos, Levi's case has been continued a few times and is set to hear Wednesday. Yes. That's right. Right in the middle of my hospital stay. Right after I have surgery. And hopefully we'll finally know that he gets to stay with us forever. He is such a wonderful little man & he has already brought us soooo much joy! We are anticipating that he will get to stay with us, but we do know that there is risk. Prayers for all of our craziness to work it's way out are much appreciated :) As far as the rest of "life" goes, we are adjusting very well to having 4 kids. It's noisy, wild, crazy & so much fun! I didn't think I would love it as much as I do. But it's been really awesome and super easy to adjust. Levi is a perfect fit for our family and we are praying God's will over the situation. We know that God always works it out and it doesn't always go how WE want it or think it should (like my infertility struggles and never bearing a child, which led us to adopt all of our beautiful kids!), but His way is always better than what we imagined. At least, that's been my experience. :) I pray this finds all of you well and that you find comfort in knowing that you're not alone in this crazy world. I'm right there with you :)
