The past several days have been an emotional roller coaster for me, and there's still more to come. My beloved grandma fell ill a few days after Christmas and she gained her wings January 8th. I have great hope that she is now pain free and rejoicing in heaven with Jesus, but the ache I feel in my heart not having her here with me is sometimes too much to even bear. It does ease the pain knowing that God calls us all home and she is in a place I can only imagine, but it is still so hard at times. I have awaken every morning for the past 3 or 4 days and as soon as my eyes open, a memory of my grandma comes to mind, and it's followed by the sting of tears. Knowing that I won't hear her voice again, I won't talk to her on the phone, I won't smell her perfume, have another hug from her or another conversation with her just hurts so deeply! But I can promise you this. I am absolutely blessed beyond belief with a family that is there through thick & thin. We have been together for the past week at the hospital and we have been together almost every waking moment since her passing. She leaves behind a family of strong, loving, caring, supportive wonderful people & I have never, in my whole life, doubted that she loved me and was proud of me.
My grandma Pauline was married to my grandpa for 59 years. How amazing is that? She was in a rehabilitation facility for the past 4 years because she had some health issues and some dementia. At first, she would come home for the holidays and was coming home here & there, but then it stopped for a while. This past year, over the summer, we finally just started going to her. We celebrated her birthday, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, grandma & grandpas anniversary, and also some times of visiting with out of town family. She came home to my moms (her daughter) house for Thanksgiving and Christmas just a few short weeks ago & I am so grateful for this past year and the summer we all had together.. I had some really great visits with grandma on Thanksgiving & Christmas and those are now very cherished memories, since they were her last holidays here on earth. Grandma & grandpa had 5 children, my mom and my 4 uncles. From there, my mom had 3 kids, and between the rest of the kids, there were 13 more, for a whopping 16 grandchildren. As time went on, the family has continued to grow with the addition of 21 great grandchildren. And our grandma loved them all and she was loved by them as well. My grandma & grandpa have always been the kind of people who help people. They've let numerous kids live with them over the years, including Bryan & I when we were newlyweds! Their kids friends called them mom & dad and even the grandkids friends call them grandma & grandpa. They have been such wonderful blessings in my life! I was so close to my grandma when I was growing up. My mom is the oldest child and I am next to the oldest grandchild. With my mom having 4 younger brothers, there is only a 7 year age difference between myself and my youngest uncle. When the youngest boys still lived at home with grandma & grandpa, we felt more like siblings than like uncles & niece. Although, since I was the only girl until I was 10, they were all really good at spoiling me. I was such a mother hen as a little girl and always had one of my younger cousins on my hip as time went on. But those 10 years that I was the only granddaughter were pretty special. My grandma was the BEST at spoiling me. I stayed at her house soooo much when I was young. We were all at their house as a family quite often, but there were also lots of times that I spent the night. When she would give me a bath and wash my hair, I would wear one of Pappas shirts for a gown and she would braid my hair, every time. We always drank root beer out of glass bottles & ate bologna sandwiches. And we would have barbecues at their house and watch the movies from the drive in theater while sitting on the haystack in their backyard. My grandma would take me shopping for school clothes because I'm pretty sure she just loved to shop! And every Friday, my mom, my grandma, my aunt and us kids would go do errands. Paying bills, grocery shopping at Smith's market & trips to the post office were fun adventures for us kids. I always got a yellow smiley face cookie from the bakery. And it was fun!! I remember going to Baby News with grandma when one of the new grandbabies would arrive and she would buy them beautiful outfits to wear home from the hospital. She used to love to go to the movies and she would take me, back when it was the Porter Theater. She spent time with me, always! We all traveled together, camping, hotels, rodeos, just for fun...it didn't matter. We spent a lot of time together. We always took big family vacations to Disneyland every year. She LOVED Disneyland! It's a Small World was her favorite ride and she used to sing that song all the time. We camped together more times than I can count over the years. We took trips to the snow, we celebrated birthday parties & we have just always been a tight knit family. Even in high school, I used to borrow my grandmas clothes. We were the same size back then & she was always very stylish. She loved when I would wear or borrow something of hers. She was just talking about it not too long ago. When I was small, we used to go fishing a lot during the summer. Grandma loved to fish, but she wouldn't bait her own hook and she wouldn't take the fish off the line. Which is really funny, because I used to be he same way. Grandma had a beautiful porcelain doll collection and I think she bought most, if not all of her granddaughters their first porcelain doll. I have a huge collection now too because I collected them for years, but I haven't put them out in probably 10 years.
To me, grandma was the kind of grandma that I want to be. I loved her so much! There were some hard times and she went through a lot concerning health issues, but those aren't the times I choose to remember. I choose to remember the spunky, loving, proud, wonderful woman that she always was to me. My grandma and grandpa have always held a very special place in my heart. There's never been a shortage of hugs from those two and never a shortage of love. My grandma leaves behind a wonderful legacy & there are just no words to express how much I am going to miss her. She helped make me the person that I am today. She's the reason that I now have 4 kids, she's the reason I have my own doll collection, she's the reason I love shopping so much! She's the reason I have such a stubborn, strong willed personality and she's the reason I love feather mattresses and feather pillows. She's the reason I braid Katie's hair every single night. She's the reason I have such a wonderful mom and such an amazing family. I love her so much & I am so excited for the eternal life she's living now. There's no more pain for her, no sadness, no suffering & she is so happy, I'm sure! But for now, everything comes & goes and some of our times are happy & others are sad. I cry because I miss her but I am happy because she's with our Lord.
We will meet again, grandma & in the meantime, I will live my life to make you proud! I will cherish our memories and I will pass on the love you shared with me to my kids & my grandkids someday. And I will thank God for putting me in this amazing family & giving me so much time with you. I love you as big as the sky!!
