This is a very personal share for me & one I was a little nervous about doing. But I think that it's something I need to share, just in case it's something that someone else needs to hear. I had an amazing time on my Walk To Emmaus last weekend and made some deep discoveries about myself. With that said, here it goes:
We find some wonderful truths in God's Word. Truths about friendship, truths about our family, truth about our life's purpose, the list goes on & on. If you have a struggle, God's word has a solution. Last weekend I had an amazing opportunity to discover some wonderful truths about myself. Over the years, I had somehow lost myself in my day to day living. (I'm pretty sure that having kids does that to you!) But it's important to not forget about ourselves completely. I've heard, many times over the years, to "be sure and take care of you", "you can't care for others if you don't take care of yourself", etc. I always nod and agree & go back to the grind. How can I be taking care of myself when there's so many demands on a mom these days? Especially on a mom of a special needs child. Between school, homeschool, sports practice, games, dance lessons, recitals, birthday parties, therapy appointments, doctors appointments, etc, where am I supposed to find time for "me"? Well guess what?? God put it right in front of my face and about hit me over the head with it! It's not about an occasional girls night out or even a yearly retreat. It's about unlocking ourselves & opening ourselves up to what is truly important. The wonderful gifts that God has for us. For me, I was hugely lacking in my spiritual life. I forgot who I was. I forgot how much fun I can be. I forgot how important I am & most importantly, I forgot how loved I am. How did that happen? How did I become so angry & sad without even realizing it? And so insecure? By not studying God's Word. By not making my relationship with Jesus a priority in my life. By not allowing MYSELF to receive God's grace. Nobody ever told me I wasn't allowed to receive everything He has in store for me, nobody ever told me that I wasn't good enough for Him. These are all thoughts that I let the enemy put into my head. And I fell for them!! I believed these things without even realizing the damage I was doing. But luckily for me, I discovered these problems AND the solutions! I have been given a second chance at life. Actually, another "second" chance since God gives us His love & grace as a new gift every single day. And I will fail. I will fall short of His glory, but I will pick myself up & start over. I am so grateful for my experience last week and for the new friendships and bonds with my sisters in Christ. The gift of last weekend gave me a chance to get back to my child-like wonder of such a loving God. A chance to realize that I'm beautiful. I'm fun. I'm loved. I'm cherished. I'm important. I am a work of God. And He doesn't make mistakes!!
Friday, July 25, 2014
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
My Story
Hi! My name is Shiloh & I'm a 30-something mother of three. I say 30-something because, half the time, I really can't remember my age! And when I do, I don't want to think about it getting closer & closer to 40-something!! I have been married to Bryan for 17 years and I love that man with my whole heart. We have been through so much in our life together, but by the grace of God, we always manage to come out on top. When we were married so many yeas ago, we really wanted children right away. God had a different plan, even though I didn't know Him at the time. After several years of fertility issues & treatments, 2 miscarriages and a whole lot of heart ache, we had some amazing things begin to happen. We ran into some friends in a restaurant one day and they began to tell us about this little boy from Ukraine that they had met and hosted in their home the previous summer for about 5-weeks. They said he was coming back that summer and bringing his younger brother too. They were wondering if we might be interested in hosting the brother, Roman, who was 6 at the time, for a 5-week dream vacation. We talked about it a little & went on about our day. Bryan & I discussed it further when we got home and over the next few days. We decided to do it & this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. :)
Roman came that summer, and it was love at first sight! He was the CUTEST 6-year old boy with blond hair and blue eyes & so much animation, it was hilarious to watch him adjust to life in America. The kid did not speak or understand any English except mama, papa & Coca-Cola. It was an adventure, to say the least. Day 2 of his dream vacation, we told the agency that we wanted to adopt him & we were over the moon happy to finally be welcoming a child into our home. Towards the end of the summer, that joy quickly turned to heartache when Roman had to go back to Ukraine until we could complete the adoption process. We kept in contact with him by telephone once he was back in his home country & it was heartbreaking. He wanted to be with us, we wanted him to be with us & we were losing hope that anything would happen. There was SO much red tape that it felt like it was never going to happen. To me. My husband knew the entire time that everything would work out & we stayed committed to the cause. In the meantime, we decided to get licensed with our local foster care agency to do a foster adopt. More red tape! Nothing that we couldn't handle, but it was still time, energy, paperwork, and faith in God that I was just beginning to discover. Until FINALLY, the call came in. After TWO years, the call finally came in. By now, Bryan & I had been married for 9-years & still didn't have children, but that was all about to change!
The adoption agency called our friends who were adopting the boys because we were doing a state-side adoption once they came home in order to not have an even longer wait. They got the call and left for Ukraine to bring home OUR son (and his brothers too)!! Three days later, we received another phone call that would change our lives forever. The foster adopt agency had a little girl that we might be interested in meeting. She was 9-months old, had some developmental delays & very behind for her age. They disclosed as much as they could and we said we wanted to meet her. Again, love at first sight! I held her & knew I was holding MY baby! We met her on a Friday, spent a couple of hours with her, and told them we were interested in taking placement of her. It was decided that we could take her for an overnight visit the next night, so we did. She did great & our hearts were soaring! By now, Bryan & I had given our lives to Christ and we were trusting that we were making the choices God wanted us to make. We kept Katie on Saturday night and when we went to take her back to the foster home, the foster mom had already packed Katie's belongings and we were able to take her home with us for good!!! We were thrilled!
After 5-weeks in Ukraine, our friends were finally coming home with Roman! We met them at the airport and Roman came home with us & we now, very suddenly, had 2 beautiful children!!! Eight year old Roman & 10 month old Katie. Wow! Our lives were soooo different! I remember wondering, MANY times, if I had completely lost my mind! But as with ALL new moms, the joy definitely outweighed the hard times. We finalized adoptions of both Roman & Katie & got many services in place for Katie. Katie was diagnosed with Spastic Quadriplegia Cerebral Palsy when she was 3 years old and although she was thriving, she was still not meeting milestones. She was such a happy baby & she managed to steal the hearts of EVERYONE she came in contact with. She received her first wheelchair at 4 years old & we just take life one day at a time. Last summer, things began to drastically change again.
After seven years, we decided it was time to add to our family, yet again. We contacted the foster agency, renewed our license and were put back on the list. Our kids were so happy to be getting a new brother or sister! Finally, they called! They had a 5 year old little boy & a 7-month old little girl. We were so excited!!! We met the kids & brought them home that same day, and we suddenly had a family of four kids! But again, God had a different plan. The two beautiful children that we thought were going to be permanently in our home had to leave us to go with a family member. We were heartbroken. More loss, more heartache. I was ready to give up on adding to our family again. The following week, Bryan ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis & had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. I sat at the side of his hospital bed while the kids were at school and I cried my eyes out over our children who had been removed from our home. Again, because of his encouragement, his strength & his faith, he encouraged me to call the county about a 2 year old little girl that we had heard about, so I did. I spoke with the social worker and she put me in contact with the girls foster mom. We spoke a lot over the course of the week & exchanged pictures. Together, we decided that we would rather take placement right away instead of doing a back & forth so that we didn't confuse her. My husband got out of the hospital on Thursday, the other family brought Paisley to us on Friday. Katie stayed home from school to meet her new sister & it was a whirlwind! But, again, WOW! God sure knows what He's doing and it all seems to work out when we follow His plan. We welcomed Paisley into our home in September & we finalized her adoption in May. She is a treasure, just like her brother & sister. It took some time to adjust & we had so many other things going on, but my heart is full.
Katie had a major hip operation in October and stayed in the hospital for 6 days and came home in a body cast. Paisley had to feel so left out because of all the care that Katie was requiring, but she never showed it! As soon as she was able to, she would snuggle up by Katie every chance she got! We went to Disneyland in January and the following week, Bryan lost his job. Seriously. My world was rocked, but I knew that we would, once again, come out on top. Katie had another major operation the following week, on the other hip, but it was much less invasive and there was no body cast. It was only a 3 day stay in the hospital & by then, everyone was adjusting very well. Bryan was already in the hiring process for his new job, our kids were happy & we were learning to take life one day at a time. And we were learning to lean on God, not ourselves. Even though we have our ups & downs, we find humor in our everyday life, we find joy in our mundane activities and we find love in the most unexpected places. So with that being said, we are once again, on the list for another child. Our hearts are ready & we are trusting that God knows what He is doing :)
Roman came that summer, and it was love at first sight! He was the CUTEST 6-year old boy with blond hair and blue eyes & so much animation, it was hilarious to watch him adjust to life in America. The kid did not speak or understand any English except mama, papa & Coca-Cola. It was an adventure, to say the least. Day 2 of his dream vacation, we told the agency that we wanted to adopt him & we were over the moon happy to finally be welcoming a child into our home. Towards the end of the summer, that joy quickly turned to heartache when Roman had to go back to Ukraine until we could complete the adoption process. We kept in contact with him by telephone once he was back in his home country & it was heartbreaking. He wanted to be with us, we wanted him to be with us & we were losing hope that anything would happen. There was SO much red tape that it felt like it was never going to happen. To me. My husband knew the entire time that everything would work out & we stayed committed to the cause. In the meantime, we decided to get licensed with our local foster care agency to do a foster adopt. More red tape! Nothing that we couldn't handle, but it was still time, energy, paperwork, and faith in God that I was just beginning to discover. Until FINALLY, the call came in. After TWO years, the call finally came in. By now, Bryan & I had been married for 9-years & still didn't have children, but that was all about to change!
The adoption agency called our friends who were adopting the boys because we were doing a state-side adoption once they came home in order to not have an even longer wait. They got the call and left for Ukraine to bring home OUR son (and his brothers too)!! Three days later, we received another phone call that would change our lives forever. The foster adopt agency had a little girl that we might be interested in meeting. She was 9-months old, had some developmental delays & very behind for her age. They disclosed as much as they could and we said we wanted to meet her. Again, love at first sight! I held her & knew I was holding MY baby! We met her on a Friday, spent a couple of hours with her, and told them we were interested in taking placement of her. It was decided that we could take her for an overnight visit the next night, so we did. She did great & our hearts were soaring! By now, Bryan & I had given our lives to Christ and we were trusting that we were making the choices God wanted us to make. We kept Katie on Saturday night and when we went to take her back to the foster home, the foster mom had already packed Katie's belongings and we were able to take her home with us for good!!! We were thrilled!
After 5-weeks in Ukraine, our friends were finally coming home with Roman! We met them at the airport and Roman came home with us & we now, very suddenly, had 2 beautiful children!!! Eight year old Roman & 10 month old Katie. Wow! Our lives were soooo different! I remember wondering, MANY times, if I had completely lost my mind! But as with ALL new moms, the joy definitely outweighed the hard times. We finalized adoptions of both Roman & Katie & got many services in place for Katie. Katie was diagnosed with Spastic Quadriplegia Cerebral Palsy when she was 3 years old and although she was thriving, she was still not meeting milestones. She was such a happy baby & she managed to steal the hearts of EVERYONE she came in contact with. She received her first wheelchair at 4 years old & we just take life one day at a time. Last summer, things began to drastically change again.
After seven years, we decided it was time to add to our family, yet again. We contacted the foster agency, renewed our license and were put back on the list. Our kids were so happy to be getting a new brother or sister! Finally, they called! They had a 5 year old little boy & a 7-month old little girl. We were so excited!!! We met the kids & brought them home that same day, and we suddenly had a family of four kids! But again, God had a different plan. The two beautiful children that we thought were going to be permanently in our home had to leave us to go with a family member. We were heartbroken. More loss, more heartache. I was ready to give up on adding to our family again. The following week, Bryan ended up in the hospital with pancreatitis & had to have emergency gallbladder surgery. I sat at the side of his hospital bed while the kids were at school and I cried my eyes out over our children who had been removed from our home. Again, because of his encouragement, his strength & his faith, he encouraged me to call the county about a 2 year old little girl that we had heard about, so I did. I spoke with the social worker and she put me in contact with the girls foster mom. We spoke a lot over the course of the week & exchanged pictures. Together, we decided that we would rather take placement right away instead of doing a back & forth so that we didn't confuse her. My husband got out of the hospital on Thursday, the other family brought Paisley to us on Friday. Katie stayed home from school to meet her new sister & it was a whirlwind! But, again, WOW! God sure knows what He's doing and it all seems to work out when we follow His plan. We welcomed Paisley into our home in September & we finalized her adoption in May. She is a treasure, just like her brother & sister. It took some time to adjust & we had so many other things going on, but my heart is full.
Katie had a major hip operation in October and stayed in the hospital for 6 days and came home in a body cast. Paisley had to feel so left out because of all the care that Katie was requiring, but she never showed it! As soon as she was able to, she would snuggle up by Katie every chance she got! We went to Disneyland in January and the following week, Bryan lost his job. Seriously. My world was rocked, but I knew that we would, once again, come out on top. Katie had another major operation the following week, on the other hip, but it was much less invasive and there was no body cast. It was only a 3 day stay in the hospital & by then, everyone was adjusting very well. Bryan was already in the hiring process for his new job, our kids were happy & we were learning to take life one day at a time. And we were learning to lean on God, not ourselves. Even though we have our ups & downs, we find humor in our everyday life, we find joy in our mundane activities and we find love in the most unexpected places. So with that being said, we are once again, on the list for another child. Our hearts are ready & we are trusting that God knows what He is doing :)
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